Flirts, Cousins, Lives
by isabellthelooser
Summary: What would happen if two cousins fell in love? Bellatrix and Sirius never got along, until now.
1. Chapter 1 The Beginning of the End

Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own Rowling's books, her characters, or her world. But I do however own this made-up story plot-thing.

Ha Ha!

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The Beginning of the End

She carefully and quickly applied her mascara. Her fingers quivered with nerves; today she would return to Hogwarts for her sixth year.

"Bella?!"

The loud rapping on the door distracted her from putting on her blush right. She slammed it onto the counter, glaring at the pink smudge across her right cheek.

What?!!" She blasted at the door.

She recognized Sirius' gruff voice, "Hurry up! I need to--"

"Do what?!" she asked, "Wash your hair? That will be the day!" she mumbled to her reflection. She tossed on a rose colored blouse and popped the door open, nearly pushing Sirius over as he paced in front of it.

He marched past her, hands in pockets, twinkle in eyes. As he brushed by she felt his cold fingers on her arm, "Missed you!" he muttered, closing the bathroom door.

Bella ran her hand along the stinging place where he had stroked her. The skin was frozen and pale, lighter than her normally, perfectly tanned complexion.

The rattling of wheels echoed around her as three trunks thudded down the stairs. Regulus, Narcissa, and Andromeda smiled warmly at her as they passed. Bella didn't return their warm gestures, she hated her cousins and sisters; though mostly just Andromeda.

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"Bella!"

"Bella!"

Bella looked up to see her mother, Druella, racing after the Hogwarts Express. Her mother was flailing in her hand a small basket. All the blood drained from her face as she watched her mom wave her pet around. She felt on the seat beside her; empty. She could have sworn Bon Bon had been with her.

She frantically tried to pull the window down. Her mother stopped; disappeared as the train went around a bend. Bella pried the window open at last, reaching out her arm to the air. Wind buffeted her face, wiping her hair in her eyes.

"No!" she screamed, "Bon Bon!"

Tears welled in her eyes. Her beloved companion had been left behind.

She shrank into her seat, ignoring the discarded book on the floor, it had been boring her anyway! Her arms folded, lips pouting. This stuff always happened to her! Why her?! She didn't know; wasn't smart enough to figure it out, even if she wanted to.

The compartment door rolled open, a sickeningly familiar face pocked in. The boy's greasy black hair was windblown in his face, his expression one of pure enjoyment. He sauntered into the room, his hands crammed into the back pockets of his extremely baggy jeans.

"What do you want, Sirius?!"

Sirius seemed undeterred as he flopped into the seat beside her. Grinning like an idiot, he spun a basket from the inside pocket of his jacket, popping it open to reveal Bella's pet snake, Bon Bon.

She couldn't resist, it felt so natural, though she knew it was wrong. The joy of being reunited with her pet overpowered her miniscule brain. She flung herself into Sirius' lap without a second thought; a moment too late freezing.

From her awkward position she could now see Sirius' three friends, Peter, James, and Remus standing in the doorway. All three were laughing hysterically and falling over each other. Beneath her head, Bella felt Sirius relax, his muscles loosen with excitement. His hands curved around her waist, hitching her farther into his lap where he held her firmly against his chest.

She stiffened, struggling against his binding arms. After a minute of prying helplessly at his wrists; which rubbed her exposed hip skin, she attempted to glare at him.

"Let. Go. Of. Me. NOW!" To her grim satisfaction, Sirius thought her struggles to glare were her attempts to kiss.

He leaned down, lips puckered, raised her in a firm grip and brought his lips softly to hers. His tongue squeezed between her smashed lips, examining her mouth. His lips worked furiously against hers, his hands pushed her into his chest.

A million emotions sparkled into her semi-conscious mind, only one sticking; disgust. She tried to wriggle free of his mouth, to detach herself from him. He held her close, unnoticing. Finally she gave up and leaned into him, inwardly kicking herself for doing the horrendous thing. He opened his own mouth, welcoming her in; she acted like she loved him, pressing her mouth to his before sinking her teeth into his lower lip.

His hands released her instantly, dropping her onto the compartment floor. He glared down at her, caressing his lip; a single drop of blood lingered on her tongue, she licked it off, enjoying the taste. He brushed his hair back, imitating James' habit. He bent to her again; quickly she propelled herself off the floor, crashing into his buds and staggering through the milling crowd.

"Bella?" He called her, she ignored him, searching for a familiar face; any familiar person she could join. She didn't even care if it was Lily Evans of all people, as long as she was safe from Him. She neared the end of the train, her chances of luck running loose; when finally a memorable face peered at her through the glass.

"Hey, Bella!" The boy across from her glanced up at her from behind his book. His eyes were friendly, but cold. She searched his pale skin for any resemblance, his blonde hair sparking an inkling in the back of her mind. She thought his name was Lucius, Lucius Malfoy.

"Hi..." she peered at with narrowed eyes, "...Lucius?"

The boy nodded, "Lucius Malfoy, I'm in your year. Slytherin."

She nodded back, hardly paying attention, "Nice to meet you...?"

"Lucius." He reminded her. She mouthed on 'Oh' and looked through the compartment door into the empty hallway; searching.

The rest of the train ride was uneventful, if possible. Lucius continued to read his book until he finished it; then he just stared into space. To Bella it seemed as if he had no friends, but didn't really care. He seemed slow going, laidback; completely at ease with her in the room.

When the train arrived at Hogsmeade station she climbed into a carriage with him and his friend, something Yaxley, who had joined them after getting off, and who had the same vacant expression as Lucius but had bobbed dirty brown hair. There continued to be silence all the way to the castle, and she didn't even say good-bye when she ditched them at the front doors.

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Bella pulled the legs of her jeans up to wade deeper. The icy water stung on her toes and turned them a delicate pink. She shivered, splashing to the shore where her shoes waited. What she wasn't expecting was who else was waiting nearby also. She glowered at the four boys crouched under her favorite birch tree. The shortest and fattest sat patiently at the roots while the other three limber teenagers swung from the topmost branches.

She ignored them, sitting on a rock to tug on her shoes. As she tossed her hair down her back and turned to walk away, she rammed into something hard. Looking up she saw Sirius grinning down at her, his eyes twinkled and his arms curved around her. She glared, fuming. He held her to him, stroking her hair and playing with a strand.

"What?!" she snapped at him, shouldering away from him. He caught her hand and, without dropping her gaze, pulled her against him again. He took her face in his palms, raising it to meet his. "No..." She mumbled, smacking his hand away.

He gazed into her eyes, replacing his hand. "Tell me not to." He brushed his nose along her jaw; she cringed.

She pulled away, walking toward the castle. "Stop." He followed her, his hand outstretched to her. He squeezed his fingers through hers, snaking his arm around her waist; following her, matching her pace easily.

"Say it like you mean it," he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, "Tell me to stop. Tell me you don't love me." He kissed the back of her hand, closing his eyes.

They had stopped by then, standing awkwardly at the base of the hill. "I don't love you!" she pushed against his chest, "Stop."

He smirked charmingly, rubbing his face along her neck. His hands held her shoulders steady as she swayed, his lips reached her ear; kissing down to her chin. "No." He replied simply, still smiling.

"Why?"

"Because I love you." he grinned, burying his face in her hair. He smoother one of her curls, his face dazzlingly happy.

"Go away, Sirius. You may love me, but I don't!"

Sirius rubbed his hands along her arms, "Bella, Bella, Bella. Always denying what you want." He shook his head sadly, starting to tow her back towards his buds.

"No Sirius!" Bella yelled at him, "Let go. I don't love you! You're my cousin, for Pete's sake! Now leave me alone!" she struggled against his gnarled fingers, "Please Sirius! Let go!"

He furrowed his brow, obviously contemplating what to do. His restraining hands removed themselves, he shoved his hands in his pockets and turned toward the castle. "Well, then. Let's go, shall we?"

Bella glared uncertainly at his stern expression, "What?...Do you mean?"

"You said to 'Let go', so I did. And now we are going up to the castle for some lunch."

Bella shook her head, glaring at him again. She turned away from Sirius, heading around the long way; the safe way. He caught her arm after a minute, yanking her to a stop.

"Where are you going Bella?" His eyes were full of love, wonder, amusement.

"I don't know? Where are you going?" She crossed her arms awaiting his answer.

He snatched her arm mid swing, he raised it to his lips, kissing the back of it with a smile. "I," he replied slyly, "am going with you." He touched her nose with a chuckle.

Bella half turned and realized what the loud chattering she heard was; students returning from lunch. She gave Sirius an evil look, "Are you going to lunch?"

"Yes."

"Well then," she pulled her hand from his grip, smiling, "You had better get up there before the doors close. Although," she stroked her chin, "It seems as if lunch has already ended." She shrugged, dancing off to the school; leaving Sirius behind trying to make sense of that information.

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This is my second story (on this website), so i would **love **it if i got lots of reviews! Then if you hate it, you can tell me so and what you don't like about so I can change life around. I would also like to get good reviews but if something isn't right I'd love to know about it! Plus I love feedback on my stories! So review after you read so I can be happy! 

Many thanks from **isabell the looser**!


	2. Chapter 2 Twilight Whispers

Don't own, please don't sue, just review!

**isabell the looser**

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Twilight Whispers

Sirius sighed, leaning back to let the water cover his face. He did a speedy backstroke underwater and resurfaced in front of his friends. The three of them were standing unsurely on the lake's edge. James had at least taken his shirt and shoes off, while Peter and Remus were pointedly rejecting the idea of a swim. He waved for them to submerge with him, laughing playfully.

They rejected his offer kindly, but that wasn't good enough for him. Sirius leapt from the water, partially naked, and lunged on top of them; rolling them into the freezing water.

In a shower of water, James surfaced first, sputtering, and raving on about the cold. . James drew back his arm; smiled wickedly back at Sirius through his sopping black hair, and spraying them both with a torrent of H2O.

Sirius laughed with his friends, bobbing up and down, flicking his hair back and chuckling merrily. "Thought you didn't want to get wet, James."

James splashed again, this time missing and soaking Remus, who had somehow escaped the chaotic duo and was now wringing out his shirt. James and Sirius clung to each other, dying from laughter after seeing Remus' mutinous expression.

Remus, despite his usual habits, jumped into the water again and dunked Peter. Peter then splashed Sirius and Sirius, James. Before long their game had turned into a battle; every inch of them soaked, but none of them caring.

Sirius chuckled and sprayed James and Remus with one smack of his palm. As his friends cornered Peter, who they thought was guilty, Sirius snuck a little ways away to watch the sun go down.

As Sirius neared the bank, he heard a strange sound. It sounded like a dove singing, though it was nearly winter. It reminded him of a day last summer when he had laid in bed and listened to the trees sway, the bees on the flowers hum. The sound was like a phoenix, singing its lament.

He peered around cautiously, straining his eyes to see through the gathering darkness. A ripple swayed towards him from the far end of the lake, in the direction of the castle. The sweet song continued, growing louder as he waded toward the maker.

A group of willow trees crowded the shore near where the song came from. The trees' massive branches drowned themselves in the water, spreading ten feet in diameter across the lake's water. Sirius noticed a small, neatly folded pile of clothes wedged between two of the willow trees; a pair of familiar black tennis shoes sitting close by.

As Sirius examined the pile he recognized the white blouse on top. He smelled it, it had the scent of roses and rain; the smell that lingered always on Bella's skin. He stroked the shirt, the soft feel of it reminding him of her rosy cheek.

He slowly sauntered around the willow branches, carefully trying not to make ripples or noise. As he looked through the curtain of undergrowth, he spotted a flash of black hair and heard the soft plunk of something submerging. A moment later he saw a head emerge close by. The girl turned and flipped her hair back, splashing her face with flecks of water.

Sirius watched as Bella sighed and started to walk to shore, singing that same lament that he had heard before. He caught a few lines of the song here and there, though it was hard to catch her quickly mouthed words.

"He calls my name like a warrior...

Swimming to save my soul...

He sings to me...

Like a lion in love with a dove...

How horrible it is...

That I cannot be his...

How much pain,  
How much suffering, Must I endure...

Till he will find me, Love me like he should...

I am his kin, Part of his sin...

We share the same blood, Blood and DNA...

Though we are the same, Different is our name...

Love binds us, Kinship slays us...

For neither of us knows, How much we can take...

Cousins we are now, And must be forever...

Love is impossible, While we are the same...

So I will leave him, Though it will grieve him...

For he loves me, I love he...

But cousins we are, And nothing more...

Sirius thought she had stopped singing; he turned and made his way back to his cloak, stopping suddenly when he heard her whisper to him.

"Sirius..."

He wanted desperately to call to her; but he knew she wasn't calling to him. She was just mumbling his name like so many times before.

He started forward again, only to be stopped by her call once more.

"Sirius..."

He half turned, contemplating what to do.

"Sirius..." She called once more; and it was enough to make him answer.

"Bella."

Bella plunged into the icy water; tugging her shoes off. She spun and twirled in the black lagoon, emerging to float on her back and whip her hair back. As she stared at the sky; stars began to sparkle to life behind the clouds and the sky to the west started shining crimson. A song came to her mind; the song Sirius had wrote for her on her thirteenth birthday. He had sung it to her as they watched the stars that night from the roof.

She let her voice spread loud and clear across the dark lake, for no one would still be outside at this hour. The melody captured her like the first time she had heard it sung. She danced and pranced around, splashing at the sky and howling to the moon.

"He calls to me like a prince to a pauper, Singing his song like a sweet brand of copper...

He calls to me like a song to a dove, Awaiting the day my voice will bring love...

He calls my hand to his, Humming softly, I am his Liz...

Without realizing it, Bella reached backwards; searching for his welcoming hand. She dunked underwater, spinning and rolling, twisting and twirling like never before. Her breath cut short; she erupted from the water in a shower of sparkling dew.

Somewhere behind her she heard a soft intake of breath as she continued her song. She began to swim to her secret hiding spot between the branches of a willow tree; where she changed and hid her clothes. As she neared the shore, her song began to end, as it always did with tears rolling down her cheeks.

Ever so softly she whispered his name to the moon. She thought of him always at this time of night, when the moon had risen and the sun was sinking; twilight.

"Sirius..." She whispered. She sat alone on a stump; drying her hair quickly and pulling on her socks and shoes.

"Sirius..." She murmured as she headed up to the castle. It was almost as if she could feel his presence near, even now, when everyone was asleep. She could have sworn she heard his voice call to her; but it was just the moaning wind whispering in the willow trees.

As she scurried into bed at twelve, it was as if she could hear his steady breathing. Feel his cold, careful hands brush along her arm.

"Sirius..." She called as her eyelids fluttered shut, and darkness glazed over her eyes.

"Sirius..." She sang in her sleep; dreaming of his warm arms and loving touch.

"Sirius..." She whispered in return to his call.

"Bella." she heard him whisper in her ear, "My sweet, silly Bellatrix."

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Be kind, Please review!

Many thanks from **Isabell the looser**! 0-o


	3. Chapter 3 'Quaffled' Stunts and ness

_**Isabell the Looser,**_

**"Disclaimer: All of this belongs to Rowling, except for the characters actions and such which is very corny I think...but whatever! Also I would like to thank my two reviewers (so far), 'Nicole-Dilona' and 'MatoakaWilde' for reviewing. Thanks dudes! Or gals! I would also like to thank my bud 'AsparagusZeTurkey' for proof reading my story and giving me helpness and pointers and such...Thanks Buddy!**

**Author Note: Yes, I know Bella and everyone else are a little ooc, but remember that this is earlir in their life, so they act different. Plus im not perfect and I can't make everything (sometimes not even anything) perfect so just deal with it! (JK)!" **

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From 'Quaffled' Stunts to 'Bludgered' Decapitations 

Steam burst from the lion's mouth; followed slowly by a spurt of hot water. Sirius ducked back, letting the water run through his hair and across his face. He reached around and rubbed his sore forearm. He withdrew his hand when a burst of pain shot up his veins; apparently the 'medicine' wasn't all used up yet. Along his palm was a thick lather of grime; a mixture of sweat, dirt, and blood.

He let the steaming water rinse the hangover from his head. His thoughts wondered from their usual subject of his high, to a completely new subject that had never entered his mind; Bellatrix Black. The silly girl had walked to her bed screaming out his name; reaching for his hand, though earlier that morning she had told him to "Fuck off!", and now he had no intention of helping her find him. He had done all he could for her in the last year; accompanying her through her rough times, helping her realize how much she loved him. Now he was done; never would he comfort that bi--

"Hey are you almost done in there dude? I really need a shower before I meet my girlfriend!"

Sirius sighed, his thoughts once again distracted; maybe forever, from his former subject.

"Yah!" he regrettably spun the dial, cutting off the comforting water. "Yah, I'm almost done," Sirius mumbled; though he made no physical effort to move from his spot on the lion shaped mat. Dazedly he waited and watched as the brown water was sucked down the drain. A sudden sense of relief and energy arose in him as the excess 'medicine' and dried blood was flushed away; forever, or until next time.

"Hello?!"

Sirius glanced up and snatched his towel off the wrack just in time before a heavy set boy with brown hair trudged in. They scowled as they pivoted to exchange places, and Sirius struggled to keep his irritation in check before it arose another impulsive 'cleansing'.

People stared as he slammed his dormitory door shut and his fellow students snuck around him and out the door quickly as he stalked by.

"Hey, Padfoot." James, Sirius' best friend, sauntered up the stairs and clasped Sirius on the shoulder, "Enjoy your _cleansing_ shower?" as James said 'cleansing' he did a little pirouette; laughing hysterically.

"Yah..." Sirius' mind was elsewhere, though James didn't seem to notice that he answered a minute to late, "It was...great!"

James chuckled playfully, slapping Sirius' shoulder in a tender spot and slouching across his bed to wait for Sirius to dress. Sirius had always loved having people, mostly girls, watch him while getting ready; as it showed off his massive biceps and six pack, but this time for a strange reason he hurried to shove his arms through his sweeter sleeves and race down the stairs to breakfast. Usually he was the last to be ready, at breakfast, and at class; this time however, he and James were one of the only ones in the Great Hall, including the teachers.

Bella hurried to make her bed. All of the other girls had left already and she had woken late: had just heard the news of the Quidditch trials for Slytherin a minute ago. Her fingers quivered with excitement; she had always wanted to be on the Quidditch team, but she had forgotten to try out last year. She thought she would make a good chaser; as she was slender and pretty good at dodging whenever her family played in the summer. She came from a long line of great Quidditch players. Her father had been Seeker, grandmother and father both Beaters, and her twin uncles had been captains.

Now her fingers were numb as she fiddled with her jacket clasp; the fierce wind threatened to blow her into one of the four massive podium-like-stands, that allowed the audience to watch the airborne trials easily.

She tugged her hat farther down her neck and clasped the handle of her Clean Sweep tightly. She sighed, it was too bad that her father had once again forgotten to buy her a new broom; but somehow had remembered to purchase one for Sirius, his nephew. "Hmm..." she muttered as she joined the crowd trying out for chaser, "How could that be?"

Sirius guffawed with his friends as they watched the frustrated Slytherin Quidditch Captain tryout thirty or so students, all failing miserably. Right then a tall girl with a Nimbus Two-Thousand, blocked a bludger and accidentally smashed it into one of the Hufflepuff stands. Sirius chuckled; this girl was by far the best beater they had tried.

James and Remus giggled like little girls beside him when Penelope Springer actually fell off her broom and had to be taken to the Hospital Wing by her lively trio of friends. Sirius waited while the lines of tryer-outers grew shorter and shorter, until he finally unconsciously spied Bella mounting her Clean Sweep and shooting into the air with a red Quaffle under one arm.

Bella zoomed and wove between the aggressive boys who were testing her as chaser. They had already been accepted onto the team and there was only one more chaser position open; and she wanted it badly!

Yaxley, a large build sixth year, barreled into her and snatched the Quaffle from her hands with ease.

"Dam it!" She screamed. She spun around and began the chase all over again. As she was nearing the rear of his Comet Three-Sixty, she spied a large black object spinning out of control right toward his head.

Without thinking she kicked her broom into a speed unheard of for an old broom like hers, and snatched a practicing Beater's club from the girl's hand. She turned around just in time to see the bludger only ten feet from Yaxley's unsuspecting head. Her mind was overrun with a strange instinct to smack the living daylights out of the thing.

Before her brain caught up with her body, she spiraled down under Yaxley's broom and flattened herself to her broom to put on a burst of speed. The wind buffeted her face, her cheeks felt raw from the ferociousness of it and her hands were cramping from holding up the heavy metal club.

Sirius jumped to his feet, suddenly yelling out Yaxley's name as loud as he could. The stupid idiot was going to get hit full in the face with a bludger! How thick can you get?! James leapt up at his side and gazed at him with confusion.

"What are you doing Padfoot?" he gestured at the boy on the broom, "He's our archenemy! If he gets injured, so what? It'll give us a lead on the first Quidditch match if their best Chaser is in the Hospital Wing! Sit down bloke!"

Sirius sat, a dazed, numb feeling in his head. Beside him he felt Peter tense and he looked up to see what had upset his chubby friend. His eyes flickered around the pitch, searching for anyone Peter liked; there was no one. Why was Peter upset?

His eyes zeroed in on Bella, who had dropped below Yaxley with a Beater's bat and was now shooting up to meet the bludger threatening him. He watch in bewilderment as she spun in spirals, growing closer and closer by the millisecond. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes tightly, right as Bella swung the bat and reached point-blank range with the Bludger.

Bella felt the muscles in her forearm tighten and strain as they started to force the bat forward with as much strength as she could muster. Her eyes squeezed shut as her hand shook and her wrist twanged backward from the collision. Her teeth her gritted, waited for the pain to pierce her arm and topple her to the ground. She waited for another minute; Where was the pain? Wasn't there supposed to be pain?

She forced herself to look at her right hand. It clasped the black club tightly, unbroken or sprained. She breathed a sigh of relief. Her broom slowly sank to the ground; and she awaited her punishment for stealing the Beater's bat.

Stanly Steinbeck approached her slowly, and then dashed to her side; shaking her hand vigorously. Her eyes glistened with the ready tears. Her mouth hung open in confusion. Where was the yelling? The screaming, the crying? The punishment?

"Bellatrix Lestrange. Is it not?" he showed his glistening teeth in a wide smile. He still shook her hand, "First Quidditch tryout?"

Bella opened her mouth to answer, but he continued without waiting.

"That's all right! You did great! Exceptional! I've never seen someone with such skills as you." He looked her up and down curiously.

She shrank into the crowd of cheering students, most having been accepted onto the team.

"Yes, yes. Very good skills! Now, do you know where the changing room is? It's over to the left. Over there." he pointed to the right and then the left, "You'll find Quidditch robes in there. We're meeting for practice on Friday. Be there." He said sternly, before turning to strut off again.

"Wait!" Bella called, running after him, " Does that mean I'm on the team?"

Stanly chuckled and slapped his leg, "That's funny, Miss Bellatrix! Of course you are! What did you think I was talking about?"

"Really?" Bella screeched happily, "Yes!"

Stanly began to walk away again; forcing her to dash after him again.

"Wait Stanly, you forgot your club."

He took it and rolled it in his palm, smiling at her as he pushed it into hers again, "Silly. This is your bat!"

"What? I'm Chaser, why would I want a Beater's club?"

"You're not Chaser! You're Beater! You seriously thought that after your performance you'd become Chaser?! I mean, not to be rude, but you Suck!" he patted her hand, "You're a much better Beater. Trust me."

Bella stood in shocked silence as the news slowly clicked into place. She was Beater, not Chaser. Why? She didn't know. But at least she was on the team! Right?

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Please review! I love reviews, cause then I know if I suck! (or not, which is better!) 

Please, Please, Please review! Then I'll be content to write more, so don't hold back! Type away, and stuff... Hope you like it so far!

Isabell the Looser


	4. Chapter 4 Deepening Love

This is my story, please read (if you want), then review with your thoughts. If all you do is say "Good" or "that sucked, change this" that will be enough! So please review, pretty-please?

-isabell the looser-

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Deepening Love 

Bella sat in the soft moonlight. Her breath glowed silver in the frosty air, her hands felt clammy against her knees. She gazed around, scared. Hearing voices wasn't good; as her father had always told her.

"Slay. Cut. Scratch. Gore."

She heard it as if a whisper in her ear. Her blood froze in her veins, hair prickling. This was not normal.

She huddled into the trunk of the willow tree, hugging her cloak around herself. She shivered involuntarily.

"Carve. Burn. EAT!"

Her eyes darted to the huge, dark lake. She thought she saw a ripple break the surface; a face disappear below. She cupped her hands over her ears; squeezed her eyes tightly shut, rocking back and forth. _I'm imagining it! It's all a dream. A figment of my imagination!_

"Drown. Freeze. Slash. BURN!"

It's all in my head, She rocked forward, It's not real. There's nothing there. She gulped, clasping her eyelids harder together.

"Cut. Drag. Eat."

She rocked backwards and forwards faster, concentrating on anything else but the duo of voices now growing closer to her.

"Slay."

"Crunch. Break."

"Eat. Eat."

"Food. Eat."

"Cook."

"Burn."

The voices were now right beside her. She could feel breath on her cheek.

"Drag." She flinched away from the shrill orators.

"Eat. Eat. Eat, good."

"Smash. Burn. Eat."

There was silence, Bella shifted her position; her hands still clamped over her ears, eyes closed. The quiet seemed to drag on forever. Her arms prickled with nervousness. She tilted her head, it collided painfully with the willow's trunk.

Suddenly she heard the voice, or voices. It seemed that there were more than before, a lot more, all singing the same lolling, dreary tune. They whispered in unison the drawling words that sent shivers up her spine, and turned her blood into crimson ice cubes.

"Drag."

"Bind."

"Drown."

"Eat."

"KILL!!!"

Her eyes flew open as icy, webbed fingers wrapped themselves around her. She stared into the singing things' faces. Goggling, black eyes peered hungrily back at her from pinched, green, skull-tight skin. The things stood, at most 3feet tall; were skinny with ribs showing, and dripping with murky lake water.

There were at least thirty of the creatures grouped around her. The front one, the tallest, had a coil of rope in his fleshy hands. Fast, two grabbed her arms and leaned toward her with glaring black sockets where eyes should have been. They bent their glistening fangs to her neck, she felt their sharp tips spear her skin, and then┘

Bella snapped awake as her body collided painfully with the dormitory floor. She cried out as the air was knocked from her lungs, eyes wide and frightful; searching for the creatures that had ravaged her nightmares for the past month. Someone in the bed across from hers --Pam, she thought the girls name was-- leaned out of bed and gazed, startled, at Bella hunched on the floor.

"Are you okay, Bellatrix?" The girl's voice was sincere, but had a snap to it that said 'I'm tired, I want to go back to sleep."

"I'm fine," Bella snapped. She clumsily climbed back onto her bed, flicking her messy black mane behind her. "I broke the fall with my head!" She added sharply. The girl grunted and rolled onto her side, moments later Bella heard her slumbered snores.

She tried to sleep again, but she had an inkling that the dream would once again haunt her that night if she did; so she clambered into her knee high, high-heeled boots and slowly made her way down the hallway to the common room.

Sirius carried Thereon down the stairs. The barn owl hooted once and hid it's head under one of its speckled wings. Sirius shook his arm and growled at it. "Stay awake you stupid bird!" He gave it another violent shake. It woke with a start, hooting erratically, "That's right, birdie. I need you to deliver this small little letter for me, okay?" He softly cooed to it as he made his way outside and down the path leading to the Owlrey.

The first frost of winter was already on the stone steps leading up to the Owlrey. Bella slid her hand along the rail, using it for balance. In her hand was clenched a tiny package labeled: Mother. Inside was a small moving picture of her smacking a Bludger away from their Seeker's head. She was strangely proud of her achievements in Quidditch. Maybe it was because she failed at everything else she tried? But none the less, her mother was getting a surprise present.

Sirius hummed softly to himself, rocking back and forth. He didn't stir as a small white owl shot through a high window, and swooped onto a perch beside him. His voice didn't falter as it should, as a wave of pain coursed through his arm. He glanced down at the yellow, pussy welts in the crook of his arm, shoulder, and arm pit.

_I can't force these eyes to see the e-end_, he sang softly.

He paused, grimacing as he shoved another vial of poison under his skin. The burning sensation as it slowly dripped into his system was the reason for it all. The reason he poured gallons of Muggle drugs into his veins.

The pain and raging fevers, and stupors he received between each of these sessions was his gain. It helped to drive the memories of Bella screaming as she tried to break his grip from his thoughts. The everlasting, resounding yelps as she ripped away from him, and hid in closets to escape him in the school halls. The pain wiped any emotions he couldn't drown with cuts and slices of his flesh. Sometimes it made the sadness, the loss, the karma he felt, infinitely worse. But after an hour or so, it swallowed them and he was free to sleep peacefully, without nightmares of the past three months interrupting.

His eyes rose an inch to stare at the opening of the Owlrey, where a girl stood staring in his direction with empty eyes. She took a step towards him, her footsteps softened in the blanket of owl dropping and strewn hay. Her expression turned from confusion, to horror and sadness. He kept his eyes averted from hers as he slid slowly along the wall, away from her, driving a stolen bread knife into his chest.

The boy grinned widely up at her as blood pooled on the floor between them. Bella's eyes grew wide with horror, shock, worry for the dark haired boy. She dropped onto her knees, crawling toward him. He lay motionless on the straw and droppings; the grin fading from his face as he looked at his bloody shirt.

She reached his side slowly, making sure not to frighten him again. Trying to avoid the puddles of blood leaking through the floorboards; her hand moved his away from the wound. She swooned over the gaping hole in his chest; the knife protruding from his ribs.

"Shh, Sirius. You're going to be alright.■ Her eyes bored into his; calming his screams of agony. She touched his sweaty cheek with shivering fingers, brushing droplets of salty tears from his eyes. "Shh... Don't worry, I'm here." She smiled despite the horror of his predicament, "Your Bella's here. I'm back, Sirius. I'm going to take care of you, okay?"

He frowned up at her through the tears. She saw unimaginable pain enter them when she uttered her name in his ear. Maybe he actually missed her, and not just her kissing expertise! She leaned over him, almost into his lap, to examine the wound.

"Bella?" Sirius heard himself whisper. He winced as she dabbed at his wound. "Bella?" She didn't look up at him when she answered. She continued to soak the pulses of blood in her sweater. He wondered why she didn't care that it turned the beautiful white cotton crimson.

"Yes, Sirius? I'm here."

He sighed; regretting it instantly. A fresh spurt of blood oozed from his chest. Agonizing pain spread through his body; making him shake and sweat. Tears boiled into his eyes. He tried to sit up to whisper in her ear, so close; but she gently pushed him back onto her folded jacket.

"Sirius, lay still." She said gently, but fiercely. He once again tried to stand. Her eyes turned to him, finally. An anxious fire burned deep in their centers; they were full of worry for him.

He laid down on his own, her hand placed delicately on his shoulder anyways. He could see the shock on his face in her eyes. He took a deep breath, ignoring the sickening pain. It suddenly dawned on him as her eyes shifted back to her work. This was the closest she had ever been to him. The first time she had been near him and he had not asked her. He had not asked her to walk through the door at that moment, or asked her to tend to his wound like his mother would. She had come on her own accord. She loved him! And he loved her back!

Why had he been so stupid?

Bella tied her shirt tightly around his chest, ignoring the blood that crusted and oozed onto her hands and under her fingernails. She looped her tie around that, binding it across the wound.

She stood; Sirius' gaze following her. Her cheeks flushed pale pink at the thought of walking through the school without her shirt. She looked down at the suddenly frail boy below her. She was shocked to see that he kept his eyes locked on her face, not allowing them to even waver below her neck.

She turned and glanced at the doorway across from them, and her gaze lingered on the steep decline the icy stairs made to the snowy hills beside the school. How would she get him down and into the school? She didn't know. She pushed the pessimistic thoughts from her mind, and concentrated on getting Sirius up on his feet.

Hands on her hips, she wiped her fingers on her skirt and turned to the invalid.

Sirius cringed against Bella's arm. He felt her arm tighten around his shoulders, holding him up as he staggered down the next flight of stairs. He winced as his foot faltered and caused his shoulders to hunch into his wound.

"Bella." he whimpered.

Her voice calmed the aching in his ribs. "Calm. Be calm. Shh...Sirius, just keep going, buddy. We're almost there! Come on!"

"Ugh." Sirius muttered when they reached the doors into the castle. They were uncharacteristically closed and bolted shut for the night. He slumped against the wall, unable to muster even a thread of strength into his aching bones. "Just our luck." He whimpered.

Bella sat cross-legged at his side, leaving a foot's length between them, and watched him gaze toward the Forbidden Forest. She, too, looked to the trees; though not to admire the scenery, as he did. She tried to gather her jumbled thoughts; scrambled by the catastrophe. She shivered in the chill morning air, hugging her arms around herself; rubbing life back into her arms and legs. She knew she loved him, more than any cousin should. But did he? Did he love her for who she was on the inside, or because she was pretty and there when he needed a picker-upper?

She glanced over at him; hunched against the stone wall, eyes closed. She sighed, looking at her lap. Only time could tell which one it was. Only spending time with him would show if he loved her for who she was, not what she was.

He watched her with half-closed eyes. She shivered from time to time, when the wind picked up speed and blew wisps of snow in their direction. He glared at his heavy jacket and the make-shift bandage that was her shirt. Without another thought he shrugged out of his coat and draped it over her shoulders awkwardly.

Her eyes flickered up at him, to the coat, and then she rested her forehead on her knees again; still shivering.

He carefully, painfully, scooted himself closer to her until he was sitting beside her. She didn't look up as he situated the jacket around her and leaned against her.

Bella felt no emotions as he slid next to her, tucking his jacket around her shoulders. She didn't even flinch when he rested his head against her cheek and wrapped his arms around her. Her body didn't react to his touch like it used to. Now it just numbed with the cold, shuddering even though the coat kept out the wind.

Slowly, ever so slowly, the sun reached the top of the mountains and sent golden rays of sunlight across the valley. She squinted at it while she tugged open the now unlocked double doors, and she glanced back at it as she towed Sirius up the main stairwell.

Sirius grumbled with anger, letting Madam Pomfrey lock him inside the curtain with James; who had found Bella struggling up the stairs and lent a hand. James slowly helped him into his pajamas, pushing back the curtain when Sirius was laying in bed.

Madam Pomfrey bustled past James, a large goblet of foaming brown liquid in hand. She shoved it at him, grumpy and irritated from lack of sleep. "Drink this." she nodded approvingly as he took a swig of the revolting stuff.

"Yuck!" He spat it out, right into James' face.

"Hey!"

"Oh...Sorry Padfoot." Sirius gave James a slight smile and glared at Madam Pomfrey. "Ugh, what is that disgusting--"

"That, Mr. Black. Is a tonic of my concoction that, just might, heal you." Madam Pomfrey interrupted him. She glared over at the doors as Remus, Peter, and Lily walked in chatting loudly amongst themselves. All of them stopped abruptly at the sight of Sirius laying on the bed, wrapped in gauze and bandages from his waist up to his shoulders.

Sirius ignored their startled exclamations. He peered anxiously behind them, spying Bella walking awkwardly a couple feet behind the group. He smiled, contented for the moment.

"Please, Madam Pomfrey!" Bella begged, "I only just arrived."

Pomfrey stood, hands on hips with a clenched jaw at the end of Sirius' bed, looking slightly approving, but all the same frustrated.

The stern woman dropped her arms and her eyes grew slightly sleepy. "Huhhh..." she sighed, "Visiting hours end at 8:30, you have ten minutes."

Bella bowed her head in respect to the woman's leverage to the rules. "Thank you. I won't stay too long."

Madam Pomfrey huffed and stalked into her office, leaving Bella alone with Sirius for the first time in hours. Only five minutes ago had Sirius' gang left to hit the sack; and now, when Bella finally had Sirius alone, she couldn't find anything to say.

Sirius watched Bella's face carefully. He waited for her string of questions to burst forth, but she seemed to be feeling as awkward as he did. Her usually silky smooth satin hair was messy and ruffled; she still wore his leather jacket, though she had put on clean clothes. After a while of silence, she seemed to notice that she wore it still, too.

She shakily started to yank her arm out of the long sleeves. He reached out instinctively to stop her progress; her hands felt ice cold, her fingers shook against his palm.

"Keep it." He said softly.

Bella blinked at him, confused. He seemed sincere. He leaned out of bed, his hand on hers; stopping it from trembling.

"But..." His finger pressed against her lips, stopping her again.

"It was a gift." his hard eyes seemed to grow warm and liquidy, "Please keep it."

Something in his eyes convinced her that arguing would do no good here. She sighed and held his hand, "Thank you." He nodded and sank back onto his pillows. He seemed frail and old compared to the usual buff and energetic Sirius she was used to.

Finally after three minutes of stroking his hand and tracing the dark circles under his eyes, she worded one of her questions.

"Sirius?"

"Yes, Bella?" His eyelids flickered open, his chocolate colored eyes on her face. "What is it?" he asked when she bit her question back again. He sighed, "Bella, I know you want to ask me something. So just spit it out, will ya?"

She jumped in her seat at his strict tone, so much like it usually was. She stuttered before she could gather her thoughts properly.

"Well...I was wondering if you...if..."

"Ugh, Bella. Spit it out already. Seriously, I don't care if you call me a Mudblood! Spit it out!"

She shot him an aggravated look and continued slowly, "I was just wondering...if you...Ugh!" she took a deep breath, blurting it out as fast as she could. "I was wondering if you loved me, or not."

Sirius couldn't help himself; he laughed. He guffawed, and rolled in his bed until his chest ached, then he finally stopped. "Ha, Ha. Bella, Bella, Bella..." he shook his head at her, "That's what you're worried about? I thought it was something much worse!" He chuckled for a minute.

He glanced at her face. It was flushed, angry; he could see tears building up behind her glare. He sat up, pulling her into a tight hug.

"Silly Bella." He whispered in her ear. "Of course I love you! How could I not?" His mind became blurred by her echoing sobs in his ear.

He held her against his side, supporting her. He patted her shaking head, "There, there, my sweet Bellatrix." he looked into her eyes; smiling. "How could you ever doubt that, after last night, I could ever stop loving you?!"

Bella sat up, reaching her chair shakily. She brushed the tears from her eyes, biting her lip.

"You don't understand." She finally mumbled, "I meant, do you love me like a...like a cousin." she paused to take in his suddenly awestruck expression. She looked at her hands again, "Or do you love me like...well..." she gave him a soft smile, "More."

She was surprised by his reaction. He slumped back, his eyes closing; his brow furrowed. She sat in silence again, watching her precious minutes tick by.

"Of course I love you like a cousin." Sirius whispered, "I mean, I am your cousin after all!" He laughed at his own joke; stopping abruptly at the sight of Bella's hurt look. He took her face in his hands, forcing her chin up. She met his gaze with hurt filled eyes.

"Bella, I love you like a cousin should." He tried to break it to her slowly; calmly. "I enjoy seeing you smile, and blush." He stroked her cheek and saw a small smile flicker across her lips. "And I absolutely love it when you laugh." He brushed a tear from her face; taking her other hand in his, and kissing the backs of them.

"I hate it when you're sad. When you're angry; especially with me. And I love spending time with you." She half-smiled at him, "But most of all, I love doing this."

Bella gasped as Sirius grabbed her face and kissed her. His mouth worked furiously against hers; and slowly, slowly her own lips relaxed and gently kissed him back. She felt his fingers work themselves into her hair; molding her face to his. Her own arms wound around his neck, hugging him to her. She had never felt like this before when kissing him.

She felt warmth course through her numb limbs. His hands left tingling, soothingly cold spots on her skin where he touched her. She felt anxious; never wanting this moment to end, when he kissed her so lovingly. She felt slightly dizzy from the unending kiss. But most of all, she felt perfect; complete. Finally she knew he loved her because of her, not because of what she wore, or because she had good looks. He loved her, and she loved him. She was blissfully happy in his arms.

Sirius felt his air supply running low, and forced himself to pull back from her. He forced himself to unlock her arms from his neck, and push her face back. They both sat gasping as their time together ran dry. He felt accelerated, happy; blissfully happy. He gingerly touched his stinging puncture wound; grimacing through his smile.

Bella stared at the floor, rocking forward and backward, breathing in deeply to stop the ringing in her ears. She glanced up at him, hugging his jacket and breathing in its sweet smells. It smelled of the ocean, and of moss, and wet grass, and of cologne.

Sirius took her hand in his, smiling happily back at her. He kissed her wrist; closing his eyes when her sweet scent made his sensatory organs go haywire.

"Bella. I love you like a cousin, yes." His eyes bored into her beautiful green iris'. "Heck, I love you more than any cousin ever should! But I don't care about that."

A smile fluttered across her face as his words struck her numb heartstrings; shocking them into hyperventilation. She flushed when he smiled and bent to listen to her erratically fast heart beat.

"I love that." he whispered in her ear.

"I don't care that I shouldn't love you." Her smile was gentle, soft. It was enough to make his own heart react, and make his pulse quicken. Had she always been so beautiful?

"I don't care that we might get disinherited for this." He sighed as she leaned in to listen to his heart. "I don't care if I am hated for eternity!" Her smile nearly broke his heart, her lips were like magnets; pulling his own up in a wide grin. "All I want, is to be with you forever." He felt tears building up behind his eyes; he let them spill, let them darken her hair. "I love you more than anyone else in this world can ever imagine!"

Bella felt as if her heart would burst with happiness. Finally he showed her his feelings. Finally she knew he loved her, like she loved him. Finally he revealed his feelings to her, and let her know what his heart was feeling. Finally she could kiss him back and feel as if she belonged in his arms.

"I love you." He whispered in her ear.

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Please review!

-Isabell the Loser-


	5. Chapter 5 A Kissing Fetish at Midnight

Sorry I havent updated in a while peeps! Had lots of homework and writers block(grrrrrrrrr!)

Anyways...hope u likes it, and review!

just a little aka...i might have a few chapters(this one included) with it in first person...sorry just how i roll!

as always, your servant...Isabell the Looser!

**A Kissing Fetish At Midnight**

My heart is plummeting. Palms warm against his unblemished skin. He hugs me to him for a moment. I can feel him breathing in my scent. I press to him. Enjoying the warmth reverberating off his skin. And the _smell_! It comes off his shirt, his hair, his hands gently cupping my face.

"Mmm…" I whisper against his chest. "Your scent…it's delicious!" I pause to take another whiff.

His silent laughter rocks up through his body, and into mine. "Hmm." he ponders. He pulls my face away from his, for a moment studying my expression. "What do I smell like? Coffee? Dirt?…Flowers?!"

I giggle along with him, tasting his mouthwatering scent again. My face is flushed pink; and burning, and I try to hide in his shoulder. "Honey. You smell like the sea after a storm. Like warm honey, like moisture before it rains." I meet his gaze for a moment, pondering, wondering, thinking of how to describe him; the smell that clings to his heart, and fills mine with harmony. I play with the collar of his chocolate-brown button-up. He plays with a strand of my flyaway hair. My cheek burrows deeper into his chest. "You smell like everything I love, and adore, and _need_." I am finally able to look into his mahogany eyes; and am surprised to see a smile scrunching his cheeks. His eyes look filled with moisture. His hands shake as he traces patterns on my cheeks. "You smell like Sirius Black, the only person I have ever given my heart to."

Silently he cups my face once more. He raises it to meet his, and his lips form gently around mine. His smell overwhelms me; it is everywhere, everything I can concentrate on, except his lips working frantically against mine.

I wind my arms around his neck; bury my fingers in his tousled hair. This is a strange feeling for me. I have never, ever, touched his hair before. I always expected it to be greasy, or crusted with grime, or thick and coarse. But it's not; it's soft and smooth and shimmering. Cool, and creamy, and ivory. My fingers wind deeper; I love the feel of it brushing my skin.

Suddenly his mouth moves to my neck, never stopping the flow of kisses blemishing my complexion. Now _his_ hands braid into my hair, and I hear his deep intake of breath as his fingers curve around my ringlets.

Now his lips are working softly at my ear, all the eagerness gone, his breathing is as raged as mine. "Bella. For months I've had a strange longing to feel your hair. To see if it feels as good as it looks, as it bounces on your shoulders." he pauses to slowly kiss the hollow under my jaw. My lips part in pleasure as his cool breath burns through the beads of sweat on my hairline. "Bella. I can't tell you how good it feels to have you this close to me. To have you stroke my hair, and let me touch yours. I never knew how to be close to anyone before. I always thought you had to persuade, beg, be handsome and daring!"

His lips stop, but his hands continue winding and unwinding in my hair. His cheek presses against my neck, his nose skimming along my cheekbone. "Let go." he whispers suddenly, and his hands reach up and pull mine against his chest, then they wind into my hair once more.

"You don't have to be those things, ya know." I try to keep my voice steady as his mouth moves to my collarbone. "Not for me. I only want you, the way _you_ are." I would go on, but his lips move back to mine, and my air is cut off.

Ever so slowly, his hands slid down my hair and hold my face to his. My hands stay limp, dangling stupidly in midair between our chests. He gives me another brake from the smoldering continuation of kisses, so I continue.

"Sirius, I like you _because_ you don't do those things. You're the kindest person I've met."

He's silent for a moment, pondering my words, I suppose. I shift uncomfortably in the dragging silence. Finally I can't stand his quiet.

"Sirius."

"What?" his says softly, his voice muffled by the hair he is kissing.

"Well?"

"I love you, Bella. That's all that's left to say."

I shudder, and hear him wince. My eyes begin to water, and my hands clench fistfuls of his jacket. My shoulders begin to shake with the flow of tears now staining his coat. I dab at my eyes. He holds me close.

"I'm sorry Bella…"

I look at him now, puffy eyes searching his face with a puzzled expression. "Sorry about what?" I ask.

"Well, for…" he pauses, "Wait. Those…those aren't tears of happiness. Are they? Cause that would explain the… Oh!" he yelps.

I roll me eyes at him, and laugh. "Duh, you idiot! I'm happy crying!" I give him a shove. "God! What did ya think? That I would hate you when you told me you loved me? Stupid!"

He joins my laughter, and hugs me close. Quite suddenly, and out of nowhere, I whisper to him, "Just for future reference, Sirius. I love you, too."

"Nice to know." he mumbles back. "Anyways, wouldn't you like to ask me something?"

I frown, thinking back. "No…what?"

His smile reaches his eyes again. His head nuzzles mine. "I believe, if I were you. I would want to know what _I_ smelled like."

"Oh…" my voice fades in thought; I'd forgotten about that conversation. "Well, then. What do I smell like, to you?"

He shrugs, "I don't know. Ask me later. But right now, I want another kiss." A mischievous grin flashes across his face like lightning.

I grin too, feeling freer than ever before. "All right." I chirp, and wrap my arms around his neck. His lips find mine as his hands gingerly cup my face. His eyes close, as mine do, and can feel him sagging into me.

Air is starting to become an issue by the time he pulls away and buries his face deep in my hair. He pulls me close to his chest, letting my head sag against his heart. I can hear it thumping, ever so softly. I can smell his cologne, and his cool breath at my ear.

"I love you." he whispers, "I love you so much it hurts."

I look up at him, and he gently kisses my forehead. Then he kisses me again, and it's like we were proposing. It's the deepest, most loving, thoughtful, and powerful kiss I have ever encountered; and I will treasure this day forever.

* * *

Hope you liked! again, sorry its in first person...expect it for the next chapter too...please review! 

Isabell the Looser! --


	6. Chapter 6 No Matter What

Hi...yay! another chapter! I'm getting on a roll here! two in one night...who woulda thunk it?

hope you enjoy...its in first person...deal with it! muh-ha-ha!!!!!

your humble servant, Isaebll the Looser that can't spell her own name right...huh...

_No Matter What_

I sigh as Sirius grabs me. His arms are firm, but also soft and loving as he lifts me. He smiles and I watch his eyes fill with a happy light. Suddenly he kisses me full on, no mercy what-so-ever. Before long I am gasping, but not wanting it to end.

He chuckles as he pulls away. "Morning, Sunshine. Ready for classes?"

"Ugh," I groan. "Classes." He laughs, gently kisses my hair, and places me on my feet. He takes my hand, and we walk up the stairs.

As we walk I can't help noticing his springy step. The gracefulness in which he flaunts through school; the smile on his lips and the twinkle in his eye. I suppose I must look the same to him, too. Happy, smiling, bright. Even my hair is curling; and my lips have a thick layer of lipstick.

"You seem…happier." I mutter as we round the bend to Transfiguration and take our back-row seats.

He gives me a smirk and strokes my hand under the table. "You know it's because of you."

My eyes are drawn to his. Can my smile get any bigger? I wonder, I must look drunk! I lean towards him and plant a quick kiss on his cheek. I pull away, fumble in my bag, and produce my textbook.

As if on cue, McGonagall explains our assignment. "Turn to page 394. And write a twelve inch paper on the proper way to change a toad into a pelican. Due tomorrow." The wrinkly old woman turns away briefly and Sirius and I embrace…with our lips.

The kiss lasts longer than planned. Neither of us wants to move away first; neither of us care about an essay due tomorrow.

Suddenly something hard smacks into the back of my head. "Ouch!" I cry out. A similar protest comes from Sirius a moment later. I turn to see Professor McGonagall behind us, thick leather-bound book in hand. A small smile crosses her face.

"Page 394." she says, and she wanders off to her desk again.

Sirius and I exchange a smirk, holding back fits of laughter, and begin reading the chapter. The class slips by fast, with little more than rubbing lumps on our heads, flipping pages, and squeezing each other's hands under the table.

Finally, when I can stand no longer the musty smell of books and the space between us, the bell rings and we are set free. Almost immediately we find a shadowy corner near Potions.

Groups of students pass us as if we aren't there; people are used to the sight of us making out, I guess. Even a teacher or two pass by and only smile politely and walk away.

All I care about is Sirius, and his lips working against mine. I feel his cool breath on my lips, my tongue, my neck. He is everywhere, everything. His arms tug me tighter, his hands work through my hair furiously.

I wrap my arms around his neck, drawing closer. He reacts instantly; pushing me backward into the wall.

His lips squash into mine, hard and soft at the same time. Mine are smaller more delciate, but fierce enough to keep his working against them. His jaw pops, his lips part, his tongue traces a line around mine.

My finger weld into his bouncy hair, massaging his scalp. His lips move to my neck, leaving me with time to catch my breath.

"Sirius." I pant. "I forgot to ask before…what about me makes you happy?"

He mouth doesn't stop as he answers, as breathless as me. "Bella, I have waited the past four years for you to notice me. For you to find that you love me; and see that whenever I look at you it's more than cousinly affection I feel for you. Now, you are finally mine." he sighs, "Now I have nothing else to ask God for, except to keep you with me forever."

I look into his eyes, and for a split second he stops kissing me and gazes back. For a moment I can see the hate, the sorrow, all the pain I have caused him the past four years by not noticing him; not seeing him. I almost cry, but then his lips are moving again, and I can hardly think.

We stand there together for a while longer; kissing. Then we walk quietly through the halls, holding hands; brooding.

How could I have been so selfish? I scream at myself, How could I have misread his expression everyday, and not even noticed the glimmering hope in his eyes?

One second we are walking, silent. The next we are standing outside Professor Slughorn's door, waiting.

He grabs my face, and puts his forehead against mine. He winds his fingers through mine.

I avoid his eyes, looking instead at the tiled floor. "Sirius?" I ask finally.

I bite my lip, "Yes?" he asks.

"Would I make you happy if I said I would stay with you forever?"

"Depends."

I furrow my brow, "On what?"

His laughter rocks me. "On if you mean it or not."

"Oh."

He waits, expecting more. But I am silent.

Finally he asks, "Why do you ask?"

I look up then; meeting his gaze in what seems like a long time. "Sirius," I whisper, "I promise to be with you forever."

I know he cannot doubt the honesty in my voice, but still I worry that my words wavered too much. That maybe he won't take me seriously. But then he hugs me, kisses me. And I know he believes me.

"Bella." he chuckles, spinning me in a circle. "I promise that too. I swear I will never leave you, ever."

I read the certainty in his brooding mahogany eyes, and nod. "Good." I say, "Now I can face Potions class."

He chuckles and follows me through the metal door. Laughing still when we take our seats and begin class.

One thing I can say about love, is that it always surprises you. No matter what.

* * *

Enjoy!

Review!

Have fun!

Don't do drugs (or pine!)

isabell the looser! --


	7. Chapter 7 Best Friends Forever

Yay! Yet another chapter. In two hours I have single-handedly written and rewritten three chapters! That's a new all-time record for me! But I'll bet you guys just wanna read the chapter so here it is...the seventh chapter in my master-piece (aka: piece 'o crap)

Ha-Ha! Enjoy!

your servant, forever, Isabell the Looser! --

Best Friends Forever

"Sirius, did you ever have a feeling something was going to happen? Like…something bad?"

"Hmmm…" Sirius mumbled from behind her. Bella could feel his hand stroking her bare legs, and his head resting against her side. "I guess so…what do you mean, exactly? Like an epiphany, or seeing the future?"

She shook her head, "No…Like I don't know…a vibe, I guess." She pulled a hunk of grass from the earth and slowly pulled each blade away from the others. "I mean…like everything is going so smoothly. School, homework, our friends, us. It all just seems to be flowing to easily." She turned her head to see Sirius smirking.

"You mean, you think something bad is going to happen, just because everything _else_ is fine?" he raised his eyebrows, "Wow, Bella. I didn't know you could be so…so depressed!"

She laughed along with him, "Yah, I guess it is a bit silly…" she pulled another mound of dirt out, "But I've been having these strange dreams…and vibes…and--" she shuddered, "and these feelings that you're gonna leave."

Tears swelled into her eyes, and bubbled down her cheeks at the prospect of him leaving her. She felt Sirius stiffen, then his arm around her. She turned, and he was right there, laying beside her. His eyes were break and sad, his arms cradling her to his chest.

He kissed the top of her head. "Bella. Bella, Sshhh. Stop crying. It's okay! I'm not gonna leave you." he placed a finger on her chin and forced her head up. He looked into her eyes and frowned. "Bella, dear. I'm right here! I'll always be right here! As long as you want me, I'll stay."

She sniffled, "Really?"

"Really-really."

She wrapped Sirius in a giant glomp-hug. "Thank, Sirius. Promise you'll never, ever leave me! Ever!"

He wiped a tear from her face, and smiled. She managed to smile back. "I promise, Bella. I promise." He looked up suddenly, at the approaching rain clouds. "Now, come on, Bells. We better get inside before it starts pouring!"

She took his hand and let him guide her into the great hall, where his friends sat at Gryffindor table.

Sirius dragged her over to where they were playing Wizards Chess. "Come on, Bells. We can play a game, and get this matter off our minds!"

Bella sighed and sat down opposite Remus, a grubby friend of Sirius'. "Hi." she said meekly, and waved unenthusiastically at him. He smiled and repeated the gesture with even less enthusiasm, if possible.

"Okay," Bella said turning to Sirius, "Bring it, Smarty! I'll kick your butt, again."

"Yeah, right!" he snorted, "You suck at this, remember?"

She waved the insult off, "Whatev. Let's get this game started!"

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Twenty minutes later, Bella, Sirius, Remus, James, Lily (James' girlfriend), and Peter all strolled upstairs to their afternoon classes.

"What you got?" Bella asked Remus as they headed up to the second floor.

He frowned and hunched his shoulders, "I have History of Magic next. You?"

She smiled, "Charms."

"You suck." he growled, heading off to his classroom.

Bella giggled and waved, heading up the next flight of stairs after Sirius and James. She nearly had a heart attack when someone patted her arm and talked to her.

"Hi, Bella, is it? I'm Lily. I don't think we've really been introduced."

Bella looked the girl up and down; she looked nice enough. She had pretty red hair and the brightest green eyes Bella had ever seen. "Hi, Lily." Bella smiled, "I'm Bella, yes."

"Pleasure," Lily smiled and shook Bella's hand. "Forgive me, but did I just hear you tell Remus you had Charms next?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Oh, no reason, really." Lily blushed slightly, making her hair look redder, "Its just…I don't really have any friends…except for the boys, of course. And I was wondering if, maybe…you might want to join me during Charms class today."

Bella blinked, _was this girl actually asking to sit by her and be friends with her?_ Bella could hardly believe it.

"Anyways…you don't have to if you don't want to…it was just an idea…"

"Oh, no. Yeah!" Bella stuttered happily. Lily's face brightened. "Yeah! I would love to sit by you! You see, I don't have many _girl_friends either."

"Thanks!" Lily crowed, "Wow…that was easier than I thought!….Yay!"

They grabbed each other's hands and bounced around in circles, squealing.

"Umm…hello?"

They both spun, and upon seeing James and Sirius' faces, cracked up.

"Forgive me, but did I just hear the word girlfriend said between you two?" James asked.

Bella looked over at Lily and had to grab her for support she was laughing so hard. Finally she choked out a sentence or two between giggles. "Yes, but we were just talking about being friends. And how we don't have many girls as friends."

"Oh…!" the boys muttered, looking extremely stupid. "Okay!"

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"Hey, Bella? How do you say this word again?" Lily asked, pointing at a word in her book, "Is it…Teargayo?"

Bella leaned over and studied her new friend's book. "No," she frowned, "It's Tur-jee-oh. Like Turd, jean, and Oh!"

"Yes, yes. Thanks, Bella." Lily frowned at her book and hunched into her chair. Bella watched her read for a minute. She noticed that Lily's eyes only stayed focused on one line for a second, then they flickered around, and back to the same spot again.

_Very weird_, Bella thought; but she turned back to her own pile of books and once more delved into her thirty inch essay on the proper use of Veritaserum on an humans, and the ways it effected males and females differently. Before long she had read three chapters on the uses, written twenty five inches of parchment, and reminded Lily how to pronounce Tergeo, again. But she still couldn't find the difference between female and male effects, and what it might cause if concocted wrong.

"Ugh!" she finally screamed, "Where's that stupid thingy!" She flipped angrily through her books, succeeding in ripping several pages out and alerting the rest of the library to her whereabouts.

"Here," Lily said soothingly, reaching for the book and flipping to the index. Her finger ran down the coloumb of chapters. She flicked the book open again. "Okay, here it is. Veritasium is deadly, if made wrong with either too many lacewing flies, or too few bezoars; either is deadly if drank. "There you go, and then the next page has the affects on different sex's."

Bella sat in awestruck silence. _This girl is smart!_ was all she could think. "Wow." she sighed, goggling up at Lily, "You're way smart!"

Lily frowned again, "No, I'm not." her eyes wavered to her textbook.

"But, then how did you do that? It was so…intelligent."

Again Lily frowned and shook her head, "I wasn't being smart…all I did was use the index!"

"Yeah," Bella agreed, "But using the index was smart! I mean, look at me. Flipping through every single page looking for the answer." She smiled. "Very smart."

"Yeah…whatever. I gotta go. I'm meeting James in our dormitory." Lily hurried from her seat and began shoving books deep into her bag.

"Wait!" Bella cried, launching herself at her fleeing friend. "Lily, what's wrong? Did I upset you? I didn't mean to, if I did."

"No," Lily whispered, "No, it's…it's not you…it's me…" Suddenly the girl began to cry, sob.

Bella stood and wrapped her arms around her friend, feeling pain for Lily well up inside her gut. "Lily? What's wrong? What's you?" She dried Lily's tears with her sleeve and led her to a chair. "Lily, you can tell me…please tell me. I want to understand."

Lily shook her head and buried her face in her hands. Bella felt helpless, stupid; feeling like a bad friend because she couldn't think of anything to say to comfort her.

"Lily," she whispered, "You can tell me. I promise not to tell if you don't want me to."

Her friend hiccupped and looked up and Bella with pleading eyes so filled with sorrow, that Bella knew she needed to be heard-out by someone, even if it _was_ her.

"It's okay," Bella cooed, rubbing Lily's back, "Tell me when you're ready."

"Bella…you have to understand. I haven't told a single soul about this, ever. Not even my own mother!" Bella raised her eyebrows, but listened. Lily gazed up at her with round puffy eyes and a sad expression. "You see…when I was seven years old, my parents took me to see a doctor. A Muggle doctor; cause I was having problems learning new things, and remembering where things were. Well…it turned out I have a Learning Disability."

Lily rang and rang her hands together, glaring at the floor. "This, LD thing, it stops me from remembering _anything_. I can't remember my classes sometimes, even the date! That's why I study so hard! It's so my brain can work the things into itself so I can remember."

Bella could only nod, this explained _everything!_ The tapping Lily did in class, her twitchy eyes, the distant look in her eyes in the middle of a long discussion.

"You can't tell anyone! Bella, please, don't! Not even Sirius." she bit her lip, "If James found out he might not want me anymore, and I…" Lily's voice broke at that point and she started to sob again, "Bella, he's the only thing I have left in this world! You can't tell him!"

"I won't Lily." Bella shook her head, "I swear he won't hear of this from my lips! I swear."

"Thank you Bella." Lily whispered across the chair space, "Thank you for letting me spill my guts."

Bella smiled and squeezed Lily's hand, "No problem, bud! Anytime you need to, just let me! I'm here for ya."

Lily smiled back, wiping away a few stray tears. She giggled a little, "Look at me. I'm an emotional mess!"

"Hey," Bella laughed, "You look better than me. And that's saying something!"

-----

Bella lay in bed, brooding over the day's happenings. So far this week she had written five major essays and gotten goodish grades on them. She had become friends with Lily, and found out one of her darkest secrets. And she had also helped Lily through an emotional explosion, and lived to tell the tale.

_That's a hefty list._ Bella thought, _I can't imagine what will happen tomorrow!_

Hope you enjoyed! Review! I'll try to write more...though it is 1:36 am here...so maybe in the morning (afternoon)...

-Let them eat cake!- Isabell the Looser...(can you say...random?)


	8. Chapter 8 Fate or Fortune?

okay peeps...i have taken into concideration what one of my few reivews commented, and have written this chapter for one purpose. To introduce a new major character: Tom Marvolo Riddle. thank you to my reivewers!

isabellthelooser

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Fate or Fortune?

Bella tapped her foot against the ground furiously, eyeing the clock on the wall. Five more minutes; five more stupid minutes until she could be with Sirius again.

_Tap Tap Tap_ A few kids were turning around in their seats, gaping at her as she chewed on her pinky fingernail and struck her shoe on the stone floor. _Tap Tap Tap_. She ignored them all, focusing all her attention on remembering every aspect of Sirius; his lips, his chocolate-brown eyes, his smile, his hands cupping her face…

_Ding Ding Ding!_ Bella bounced from her chair, snagged her books off her desk, and in one single bound was out the Charms door and into the corridor. She bounced on her heels as she swerved and jumped around people, following the flow of students to the Great Hall.

Suddenly Bella caught sight of Sirius, standing in the doorway to the grounds, smiling. Without thinking she dashed forward, imagining his arms welcoming her in a giant hug.

"Ugh!" Bella cried as her head collided painfully with someone else's hard chest. She fell to the floor, her book bag ripping open from the impact and scattering across the corridor. Pain shot through her palms; she winced and lifted her hands for examination. The skin was grazed and dirty with granite from the floor; in her opinion, these were the worst kind of injury.

She looked around at the students pouring into the Great Hall for lunch, and sighed; feeling a twinge of hatred to them. _If any of them dropped their stuff, I'd help them pick it up!_ Cursing under her breath, Bella reached for a stack of fallen books; but someone else's hands beat her to it.

"Those are mine…" she looked up into the dazzling brown eyes of a boy; a boy with short chestnut hair and a cute smile on his round face. Besides Sirius, he was the cutest guy she had seen around Hogwarts in a long time.

"Hi," the boy mumbled in a shy, velvety voice, "I'm Tom. Tom Marvolo Riddle." Bella blinked and looked away from his penetrating gaze, _why is he telling me his __**middle **__name?_

She looked up again to see the boy, Tom, watching her. "Oh…Hi." _Ugh!_ she screamed at herself, _How lame is that? "Hi, my name is stupid, shy, already-got-a-boyfriend girl; wanna go out?" Yah, real smooth Bella!_

Thinking fast, Bella reached for another book and a bottle of ink. "Are…are you the person who walked into me?"

Tom smiled sweetly and nodded, his tousled hair flopping in and out of his face. "Yep! That was me; klutz dude!"

"You don't look like a klutz to--"

"Bella!" Sirius' hand stroked her cheek, his face inches from hers. "Bella, are you alright?"

Bella blinked, "Ya…Ya, I'm fine," she swiveled to face him and scooped the last of her things into her arms, "I just walked into Tom…Tom Riddle."

Sirius frowned as he measured Tom, clearly just realizing he was there. "Oh." he nodded at Tom and turned his back on him again. He took Bella's hand and pulled her up; Bella smiled under his touch and looked at Tom.

"Can I have those, Tom Marvolo Riddle?"

"Huh…?" he asked, then he looked down at her books in his hands, "OH! Yeah! Sorry…"

"It's fine, Mr. Riddle, really. It was nice bumpin' into you! But I gotta go, ya know."

He looked behind him at the great oak doors, "Oh, right. Well I guess I'll see you around,…?"

Bella took his outstretched hand and shook it gently, "Bella."

Tom bowed his head, grinning, "Bella."

"Mr. Riddle," she waved and let Sirius drag her away. She glanced over her shoulder.

"No, please, call me Tom."

Bella smiled her loving smile, "Tom."

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hope you enjoyed the awkwardness...it's not my favorite chapter at all, but it'll do for right now!

R&R isabellthelooser


	9. Chapter 9 Rejection

Disclaimer: i do not own J.K. Rowlings books, characters, plot line, or other details. I merely manipulate them for my own enjoyment. Please don't sue!

this chap is from Sirius' POV.

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Rejection

"What do you mean 'I was flirting with him'? I most certainly wasn't!"

Sirius crossed his arms, glaring at the beauty before him--_his_ beauty. "You were too!" he hissed, glancing around him at the crowded grounds.

It had been a week since Bella walked into that stupid Tom, and it seemed all she ever talked about or looked at was flippin' _Tom Marvolo Riddle_.

_Ugh!_ He frowned and spotted him beneath a nearby elm tree; his eyes were down, focused on a book laid open in his lap, but he could tell Tom was listening by the way his head was tilted to the side to hear better.

Sirius scowled, and Bella followed his gaze. She watched him read in silence, then spun on her heel to glare at Sirius.

"I did not!" she hissed back, hands on her hips. He tried to ignore how Tom's eyes flickered up to her face as her hair billowed around her shoulders.

He gritted his teeth, fuming, trying to keep his voice low so Tom wouldn't hear. "Then why were you talking to him for so long yesterday?" He felt like he was giving an interrogation…maybe he was.

Bella sighed and half-turned away from him. She watched a couple of Ravenclaws playing chess for a moment before she spoke.

"I knew you'd react like this," she murmured, still looking away.

Tom's gaze flickered to her again, then down when Sirius glared.

"You know," he replied sarcastically, "you're right."

She seemed taken back, "Really?" She straightened up.

"Yeah!" Sirius said scathingly. "Why should I overreact? You were only talking with him for _six_ **hours**!" His voice slowly escalated until he was shouting. A passing first year student glanced up warily at them.

She spun around to face him again, her face red. "I was helping him with his Potions homework, okay?!" she huffed, going redder from the anger.

"Oh yeah," he threw his hands up in the air. "I forgot! The best potions student in the highest potions class needed help with his homework. That's a good one, Bell!"

Her mouth formed a hard line, and her face hardened. "Alright!" she exclaimed, waving her own hand above her head. "So we did talk for _four_ hours. But it was about classes! Nothing else!!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "So the great liar _finally_ tells the truth for once in her life! They should make this a holiday!" he stepped closer to her, scowling. She glared back at him, crossing her arms. "I can see it now: _The Day Bellatrix Black Told the Truth_. It'll make headlines!"

He was so close to her then that he could see the anger burning in her eyes, and feel her tendons stretch as her hands balled up again. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. He waited, letting the seconds draw by.

When she spoke it was breathless and forcibly in control. Her jaw was locked. "You know…I think you _are_ right. It _will_ make headlines, but as: _Sirius Black, the Biggest Asshole in Hogwarts!_" Her eyes flickered open angrily, "And you **are**, Sirius Black."

"Ooh!" Sirius exclaimed, "That burns!" He winced, rubbing his arm.

She glared harder at him--if possible--and re-crossed her arms, waiting.

He sighed and gazed down at her, smirking. "Nice try, Bell-Bell, but you're just gonna have to live with the asshole." He gestured at his chest, "He's who I am."

Her eyes clasped shut again, and he could sense her trying to control herself. After a couple long, deep breaths, she opened them again. "You're wrong." Her voice was hard and emotionless, hissed through clenched teeth. "I _don't_ have to live with it."

Sirius's heart did a flip-flop. "What?!"

She half-turned away from him, smiling softly. "I said _'I don't have to live with it.'_" she took a step away from him--a step he followed involuntarily with one of his own.

"What do you mean?" for a man, his voice sounded weak and high; he didn't like feeling that way, but he just couldn't lose her. He hadn't meant to go so far as to push her away.

He knew the answer before her lips even moved.

"It's over."

His heart jumped into his throat, his hand reached out to her automatically. He wanted her close to him again; to feel her against his side like before. "But--"

She shied away from him, drawing her hand out of his reach. Sirius' fingers clutched uselessly at the empty space where her wrist used to be.

"I mean it, Sirius. It's over." Her eyes were hard, glaring deep into his soul. Somehow, she managed to stare him down, and his hand dropped to his side. "I'm dumping you."

Sirius felt his breath come in a wild gasp, though he would rather have died at that very moment rather than endure a day without her. He _had_ driven her too far away. He _had_ fucked up again. And now he was never going to be her's anymore; nor she, his. He would never hug her close without feeling her recoil automatically, or kiss her anywhere but her cheek. He had lost.

He watched her stride away, grasping again at the air where she should have been; where he _wanted_ her to be. He barely comprehended that she sank to her knees next to Tom; that Tom wrapped his arm around her waist; that she rested her head against his shoulder and turned her attention to his book. He didn't feel his knees hit the ground, or his hands, for that matter; nor the cool dirt swirl up his nose as he panted for air that wouldn't satisfy his deprived limbs. Sirius didn't even see the snow begin to fall around him; or feel it freeze his nose and numb his fingers; or hear the rush of voices as everyone headed inside the warm castle.

He didn't know how long he laid there, not breathing, but it was long enough for James and Remus to miss him; and it wasn't too long before they gave up talking sense into him, and hefted Sirius up to the common room between the two of them, where he stayed till way past dinner, staring unseeingly; listening without hearing; and gasping without breathing.

All he could feel was his heart crashing against his rib cage; throbbing for the one thing in his life that he desperately wanted, and couldn't have; _wouldn't_ have, ever. And all because of his own stupidity; his blindness.

He realized he should have noticed how she doted on Tom all along. Should have seen how she drew away too quickly during a kiss; or laughed to loudly at a joke that wasn't funny, all the time looking over his shoulder to where Tom was sitting, smiling.

He was the dumbest dumb person on the face of the planet, and he was dumb enough to admit it.

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okay, first off. Sorry about not updating in like...five months? six? anyways...SORRY!! i don't even have a better explaination, except that i had major writer's block for this story and have been very busy...sleeping (its a poor excuse, but it's true).

second: REVIEWS!! i mean, i know my story sucks, and i haven't updated in a very, very, very long time, and you guys probably all hate me...but can't you at least write me a quick note saying that? please. i would really love some feedback, if you don't mind. i even like oneworded ones like: sucky, stupid, UGH!! or even: lame. (i also prefer happy comments too, don't forget!)

best regards: isabellthelooser


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